So I've been home about 2 days now. Shortly after getting home, the kids left for their dads for the weekend. I've pretty much been alone since then, and that really sucks. I know I've needed time to rest and recover, but knowing there is nobody else in the house to even get me a glass of water if I don't have the strength to, or just make sure I get to the bathroom without getting light headed again....yeah, that part totally sucks.
I still hurt. Far badly than I thought I would. The gall bladder pain is completely gone, obviously. This is a totally different kind of pain. Each incision hurts a little more than the last, my muscles ache. Even standing up is a challenge, because I've been laying down since Tuesday, and my body just isn't used to moving at all anymore. Getting out of bed scares me more than anything, being afraid my legs will give out, or that I will get dizzy and pass out.
Going into this, everyone kept talking about how "easy" the procedure was, and how I'd be back to myself by the second day. I really didn't intend to be down this long with the recovery, because "nobody else took that long". I think I was fooling myself, I think others were fooled, not realizing just how sick I was. The fatigue I was feeling before admission to the hospital is one of the main side-effects that I am now realizing. I thought I just had no motivation, and I didn't, but there was a medical reason why. There still is. I'm just so exhausted, even keeping my eyes open is a major challenge anymore. The fact that a simple in and out 1 hour surgery turned into a 4.5 hour surgery should be all the proof I need that things aren't "normal" with my procedure.
I've always been a pretty good person at tolerating pain. I may get whiney at times, but when it comes right down to it, when the pain has been at it's worst, I just find a way to get through it. And I still continue to do that, I just need to vent about it a little.
And I'm frustrated. I'm tired of being stuck in the house. I know it's for my own good, but I need fresh air. I need to get out and walk around, get some sun on my face, see people.
I need to be better. I need to see some light at the end of this tunnel. I need people to understand that not everyone heals the same, not everyones procedure was the same. It's "ok" that I still hurt, and need a little more time to heal than "so and so that I knew....".
I need a happy pill. A giant happy pill and some sleep.