So, I'm sitting here waiting for the doctor to call back. I finally broke down and called them today. It's been a few hours short of one week since my surgery, and I just don't feel any better. As I type this, I honestly feel like I did the day I went in to the emergency room.
And it's frustrating. Because I hear all these stories of how quickly people recover, and how soon they were back to doing normal every day things, and I can barely get out of bed to dry heave over the toilet for a few minutes. I don't want to feel this way, I'm tired of feeling this way. I thought that having this surgery was going to be life-changing for me, and it has...but it hasn't been in a good way.
Pre-surgery, when I'd have a gall bladder attack, they would eventually go away. I'd have a few days, a few weeks, even sometimes a few months, of pain free living. I always knew they could and would come back, but I got some sort of break. I have been in constant pain since I checked into the hospital 8 days ago...surgery 7 days ago. I'm miserable. The people around me are miserable, because I can't even get out of bed to socialize, feed my kids, check their homework, take them to school...just care for them. I have a million things I could and should be doing, and not an ounce of strength to do even one.
I just don't want to hurt anymore. I'm terrified of what this could be a sign of. Why are things still not "right"? Why am I still hurting? Why can't I eat? Why don't I have any strength? I just feel like there is more wrong, something isn't right, and I'm worried about what that could be.
And probably the most frustrating is that I don't know how to express what exactly it is that is wrong. I just have this constant cramping, aching feeling, in my tummy. All over. I haven't been taking the pain killer, for fear of constipation and other side effects. I know that long term use can cause liver issues, and they are already concerned about my liver. And so I didn't know if my pain was caused from a need to have a BM or not. So, I took the laxative they suggested, and waited. And things happened, and then....still felt horrible.
And I'm frustrated because I feel like people are starting to not believe me that I'm not feeling better. I'm tired of having to answer the "how ya feeling today" question with "terrible"...but that is the only way to explain it. I'm frustrated because people want answers from me, and I don't have them. I'm frustrated, because I want answers, and I can't get them. I'm just frustrated. I'm just hurting. I'm just sick. I'm just tired. I just want this over.