Thursday, May 1, 2014
I have had an incredibly emotional few days. It all started with that stupid stinking shirt last night. This morning, I woke up with plans to get a ton of stuff done before work. Including the laundry that I cried too hard to do last night. The reality of it was, though, I stayed in bed most of the morning, feeling sorry for myself and crying. I finally got up the courage to go visit my mom. It's May Day...I had to take her flowers. And I walked into the room, and there was my dad, my rock, laying in bed just holding her while she slept. Why does that man make me cry so much? We ended up having a really nice visit, and I managed to keep the tears at bay for most of it. I was late getting to work. I didn't care. And when I walked in, my GM asked me, with the sweetest eyes..."how is your mom?" And I lost it. Right then and there. Like a two year old with a stubbed toe. And I cried it out, and I began to feel better. Until the next person asked me. Then I started all over again. This is how most of my night went. After work, I knew I just needed to go somewhere and get my mind off of things for a little bit. Luckily, I work next to an Applebees, and they have fish bowl drinks. Much to my surprise, someone I met recently, offered to meet me there and keep my company. I accepted. And for the next 2 hours, I left everything outside. For the next 2 hours, I laughed, and told stories about my mom without crying...for the first time since her diagnosis. For the next 2 hours, I completely forgot that I was hurting. Someone I don't even really know, realized that this was exactly what I needed. A stranger, of sorts, realized that this was what needed to be done for me. Recognized this need before even I did. Tonight I am actually laying down to bed, with a clear head and a warm heart. Tonight I am happy, because I got to remember all that is good in my life, and what it is like to laugh. I miss laughing.