Thursday, October 20, 2011

What goes up....

Must come down.  But how far "down" does it have to go before it can go back "up" again?

I'm just frustrated.  I'm at a frustrated part of my life.  I'm just...ugh.

Trying like hell to pick up more hours at work.  Brad and I are down to one vehicle, and it is going through a gallon of water every 10 miles because the radiator is leaking so bad.  We just don't have the money to get it fixed.  I just need an easy solution, like....a winning lotto ticket, because I, quite frankly, am out of freaking ideas here!  His quick answer is "get another job"!  Well, anyone attempting to find work right now knows how not easy that is.  In addition to the fact that it has to work around my other job, and his schedule...because we only have one (or half of one) car anymore.


On the bright side, it is owl banding season.  On the downside of that...the weather has SUCKED for owl banding!  We need cool, clear, calm nights.  We've had 60+ MPH winds, rain and clouds all but 5 nights that we have attempted to owl.  On those nights, we had either winds, clouds, or combinations of.  We have gotten 2 owls all month.  They predicted record numbers this year, and it's just not the case.  It makes for some VERY long nights.  Long, boring nights.   I just really hope that after this latest storm we get a HUGE crop of owls in the nets, and we can gather LOTS of data on them...because there are a lot of people trying REALLY hard to make them show up!

Oh...and my gall bladder is acting up again...

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

A few pics from the funeral procession

On Tuesday, I set out for a bike ride, to enjoy what nice weather we have left.  My ride was cut short when I realized I was on the direct path of the funeral procession for SPC Jim Butz.  (see previous blog).  I rode home quickly, grabbed an American Flag and a camera, and went back to wait.  I sat there for 1.5 hours waiting, but there was no where else I wanted to be.  I stopped taking pictures when the hearse came to view, out of respect for the soldier, his family and friends.  But here are a few pictures.  Again the wave of emotion came.  Awe, patriotism, respect, sadness, loss, heartbreak....pride.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

A Somber Day

On September 28th, 2011, Chesterton, Indiana lost a son, to the war in Afghanistan.  I'm not going to get off on a political rant here, most of you know my take on the war already.  But this moment effected me in ways I never thought possible.

On Saturday, October 8, 2011, SPC Jim Butz was returned to Porter County.  I really wanted to be along the procession route, to pay my respects, but being that I was heading out of town and relying on someone else for transportation, it wasn't in the cards.  Or so I thought.

After a side trip to Albanese Candy Factory, we started heading out of town, via the road that runs along side the airport.  And there I saw it.  Countless First Responder vehicles, 250 motorcycles from the Indiana Patriot Guard....I asked my "driver" to please pull over.  My heart had hit the ground at this point.   I sat in the car for a few seconds, and just had this overwhelming need to get out.  At this point, the roads were lined with people stopping to pay respect.  There were a few that were "annoyed" that the road was closed, holding them up.  I just wanted to yell "GO TO HELL" at them.  But I didn't.  I stood in silence, other than my weeping.  Tears overcame my view.  It was one of the most powerful, somber, sad, patriotic feelings I have ever experienced in my life.  I wanted to run over and shake the hand of every single person in that procession.  I wanted to hug his family.

I wish that I could have done more.  I wish that I could have been dressed head to toe in American Flag attire.  I wish I could have told them I was sorry for their loss, and thank them for their sacrifice.  I couldn't.  I just hope that they saw all of us, paying what respects we could, and find some comfort in that.  In the fact that so many care.

I can never put in to words what I felt that day, standing on the side of the road.  It's a wave of emotions that us, as humans, never expect to feel, never fathom we can feel.

R.I.P. SPC James Butz, 21, of Porter, Indiana, 2009 graduate of Chesterton High School.  You gave your life to protect mine, and my families.  There is no way I could ever begin to repay that.  But I hope somewhere you are looking down and knowing that I really do mean it when I say thank you for all you gave. You died a hero, your honor will live on in all of us.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Out with a bang, dammit...

I'm 6 days shy of turning a whopping.....nother year older.  It's been a year of ups, and downs, and wonderful memories, and things I'd like to forget.  And as "the day" gets closer, I was actually beginning to get a bit excited about it.  And then it happened, all of it happened...

Hot water heater broke
fridge broke
sliding glass door broke (on going issue)
dryer broke (another on going issue)
still no word back on unemployment OR public assistance
many online applications filled out, not one single call back
Brads car breaks down, leaving us with only my van, and both working at times that this isn't feasible for us

and then the van broke down.

My van broke down and I'm terrified it's a cracked block, or blown head gasket, or something really, REALLY serious, and there is no way we can afford this.  My 2 week paycheck this week was a kick ass $153.00. Yes, you read that right.  One hundred and Fifty Three Dollars and NO cents, for two WEEKS worth of work. (and by kick ass I mean WTF?!?  That can't seriously be a CHECK!!!???  I feel ass raped)

And in the end, we are screwed, big time.  And I understand the strain this puts on the household, me only having the one job now.  But, I wish people (person) could see that this is NOT the type of lifestyle I want, and I really hope things start to turn around soon, and I'm just as stressed out as they are, and I didn't BREAK my engine on purpose, and well... FUCK MY LIFE right now!  This is SO very much not where I saw my life being at ?? years old!

I seriously, SERIOUSLY need a lottery God, and I need him NOWNOWNOWNOW.

So, if any of you are wondering what to get me for my birthday....a winning lotto ticket would be PERFECT!!