Sunday, January 4, 2015

I just want to see him cry...

I found this tonight....this was written before mom died...I'm sharing it now. Last night I got asked to join someone at the local speedway. I had an amazing time. Probably the best time I've had in the last year. My mind was clear, I was doing something I love to racing...and I had great company. I was sitting in the stands when the sun set. I was remembering how as a kid, we'd always go to the races on the weekends, and how much I loved it. We played some of the same "pick your driver games" that we did as a kid. I was just flooded with memories. And I cried. And as I was trying to hide my tears from my company, I looked up and for the first time in a year...noticed the stars. The very first one I spotted, I wished on...and I know you aren't supposed to tell your wishes, but I've always kept them in and they've never come true. So I thought that maybe if I said it this time, it would... I want my dad to cry. It's been one year since we were told that our mother had cancer, and that it was terminal. And in that time, I have watched while my brother and I went through, and continue to go through, emotion after emotion. And my dad hasn't wavered once. I can recall one time, hearing his voice quiver just a little bit. I remember exactly what he was saying, I remember exactly how I felt the second I heard it. And I remember thinking at that very moment, "that is going to stick with me forever", and it has. And now it's a year later. And I'd give anything to see my dad cry. Because I know that he is not crying because he thinks that he needs to be strong for us, and for her, and for everybody in her life that loves her. I do need him to be strong. But more than I need him to be strong, I need him to cry.

1 comment:

  1. You have written this post as if you were telling it sitting in front.

    Tragedy, yes but that's who Dads are! Mine too hardly ever cries. And secretly, I want him too to waver at least once so that I know I am not the only one who falls to weaknesses. Nonetheless, more strength to you and family.

    My comment looks like a tiny post by the way...