This week I have really been struggling with some emotional stuff. I touched base in my last blog about the need to sort out some feelings in regards to letting some relationships/friendships go, or finding a way to rekindle them. It's proven to be a lot harder than I thought it would be.
There are some relationships that I just can't seem to move past, even if we haven't seen each other since long before I moved to Indiana. I can't figure out what it is about them that is making me hold on for so long, other than maybe I'm just caught up in the "idea" of what they were. I'm sure with time I will figure it all out, but at this point it's almost like losing a loved one...I'm mourning their losses, and it's hurting more than I thought it would.
That being said...
Yesterday was Valentines Day, and for the first time since I was 15, I didn't have a Valentine. I actually did better with it than most probably do. I've always thought it was important to show those you care about how much you care throughout the year, and not just on one day. I'm not going to lie though, it is always nice to get something small, even if it's a homemade card or a sticky note, on Valentines Day. It was strange this year not to have any of that. I do always get the kids some candy, and a small gift, and this year we went out to dinner together. When we got home, we finished watching Breaking Dawn 1, and worked on a puzzle together. It was a nice way to spend the day, and evening.
So I've recently rediscovered how much I enjoy cross-stitching. It's kept me away from the computer, which is something I was addicted to for a very long time. I am someone who LOVES the outdoors, and hiking/sightseeing, etc. However, I am also someone who hates winter. Therefore I would shut myself inside until May each year, waiting out the snow and cold temperatures. Yesterday I did get out and do a little hiking at our state park, mostly to clear my mind. I had to drop a Snowy Owl off at the Nature Center for when Brad returns from Cuba. So, I just extended my stay a little, and walked a trail. I'll admit, it seemed a bit odd doing that on my own, but I did enjoy it even in the cold.
Today I've managed to do nothing more than some cross-stitching and a little cleaning. I've also done a lot of soul searching. I just need to find me again, and I'm not sure how. The next few months should be an interesting journey for me.