Friday, February 8, 2013

Cut it out!

Who has 2 thumbs, a gall bladder and FINALLY has a surgery date?  This chick!  As of February 20th, I'll not be able to answer that with myself, as I'll only have the 2 thumbs, but not a gall bladder.  After 4 years of pain and suffering, I'm finally having my surgery.  I am beyond excited to have this almost over with.  I feel like making a gall bladder advent calendar, just to help me celebrate the upcoming day!  Instead of candy in each pocket, I'll put Norco, Zofran and Protonix.  When they are gone.... so is my gall bladder!!!

So, I've been itching to cross-stitch.  But all of my supplies are locked away in storage, in Indiana.  So I finally went out and got me enough stuff to get by.  I really like stitching snowmen, and since we are blanketed in snow right now, I decided to stick with the theme and picked up a Lavender Wings pattern called "If I Could Be A Snowman...".  I kitted it all up, and at the end of this blog posting, will be getting it ready for the first stitch.  Here is a picture of the completed design:

If you can't read it, the saying goes: "If I could be a snowman, I don't know which I'd be....all bundled up to fight the chill, or cold and fancy free!" 


I think it's just adorable, and am looking forward to getting started on it.  Maybe I'll feel up to stitching it while I'm laid up after surgery.

I'll leave you with a picture I took this morning.  We had several inches of snowfall overnight, but zero wind. This meant that the snow remained on all of the tree branches, and being outside felt like you were walking through a snow-globe.  It was just incredible.  After taking the kids to school, I actually drove around a little bit and just looked at all the beautiful trees.  I don't normally like anything about winter, but days like today just can't help but steal your breath away.  Enjoy!

Our front yard.

Monday, February 4, 2013

Still got the gall bladder....

Finally met with the surgeon today.  Verdict: yup....I still need my gall bladder out.  Ugh.  I was REALLY hoping that I would have a surgery date when I walked out of there, so I would have something to look forward to, and a countdown I could begin.  Unfortunately, all they said was that they would call me after it was scheduled with the hospital.

And the moment I walked into the door at home after my appointment, I got another attack.  Seriously?  *must remember this will all be over soon*

Good news....????  I have a job interview on Wednesday.  I'm REALLY hoping I get offered the position, because I REALLY need this job!

wish me luck blog buddies!

Friday, January 25, 2013

A light at the end of the tunnel?

By golly, it just might be!

ONE of the advantages to moving back to Michigan (and there haven't been many), is that I qualified for Medicaid.  For some reason, I qualify here, but not in Indiana.  Whatever.  So my first order of business was going to be to schedule an appointment with a family practitioner, who could refer me to a surgeon, who would schedule an appointment, a ton of tests, and then...maybe....surgery.

I landed in the E.R. before that could happen.  I was in so much pain, I couldn't hardly breathe.  I hate when it gets like this.  I've been battling gall stones for almost 4 years now, and I shiver every time I think of the pain, as it's something I've experienced far more than any human being should have to.

It turns out, landing in the E.R. is probably the best thing that could have happened for me.  They gave me a few doses of morphine, and ran an ultrasound, along with many other tests.  When I got there, my blood pressure was 180/140.  I'm guessing from the pain.  By the time I left, it was back down, and I had prescriptions for pain at home.  I also left with a referral for a surgeon.  Totally cut out my middle man, and tests already done.

So I called the surgeon and made an appointment for February 4th.  I'm hoping that it will be a quick visit, and I will walk out with a date for surgery.  I'm nervous, but I am SOOOOO excited this is FINALLY happening.  I won't have to deal with that pain ever again!

So, yes, despite all the other "stuff" going on, I have this thing to look forward to.  It's removal can't happen soon enough.

Wonder if they will let me keep a stone....just because.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

A case of the yuckies....

I’m sick.  I’m knockdown, drag out sick.  I’m good with pain.  While I don’t welcome it, I can usually meditate my way through the worst of it, only seeking medical attention after days and days of suffering.  But you mess with my sinuses and I’m a like 2 year old not wanting to take a nap.  I cry, I whine, I beg for sympathy.  I do NOT like the feeling of not being able to breathe.  Even someone jokingly putting something over my face makes me freak out.  I’m not even a fan of Halloween masks.  I just don’t like it. 
And so I've been bed ridden for 3 days.  Today I finally got a tiny bit of relief, as my nose is no longer running; now it’s congested.  But at least I’m not blowing it every 3 seconds.  The tender flesh around it can now begin its painful healing process.  I feel things beginning to build in my chest.  Tomorrow should be quite the adventure, as I’m sure it will bring forth the coughing.  But at least my nose isn't running.  Must remember to stay grateful for that.
I took this most pathetic picture of myself last night.  It’s not staged, I didn't pose, I didn't use make up to make things seem worse that they are.  I’m not sure you could even fake how pathetic I look.  It was bad.  But I find such humor in just how pathetic I look, that I am sharing it with all of you, in hopes that you, too, can get a laugh out of it. 


I’m tired of being locked in the house, and I need to get back to job searching A.S.A.P., so I hope this ends soon.  And if anyone else is suffering through this, you have sympathy from me, because I am all too aware of just how bad this sucks!

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Ugh, seriously? And then a miracle....

Lately I have found myself in this serious "funk".  It seems nothing is going right, I have no motivation, I'm ready for a different life, I miss people, I want people gone, I just......ugh.

And it's Christmas.  And this holiday season I have found myself without a job, because I was forced to relocate much sooner than I anticipated.  And the job market sucks, and...a lot of stuff....

And as much as that SUCKS, and as much as I miss a LOT of things about my "old" life, I know a lot of things are for the better.  And because it is the Christmas season, I have learned something else too.

I am depressed.  I can't seem to get out of this weird state I'm in.  I'm so super happy one second, but the moment I feel someone is disappointed in something I do, I lose all self esteem.  I vanish into another room, and I cry.  I'm broken.  I am sad, I hurt, I'm lonely....I'm broken.

And then something like today happens.  I have had incredible support through the holidays.  From my friend  Mark surprising me with a gift card, my BFFs mom surprising me with Pizza Hut gift cards, my mom giving me a little bit of money to buy presents for the kids, my Ex-Boss calling out to "secret santas" to help me out, even simple little emails of encouragement.  They have all helped beyond words.

And as if that wasn't enough, the past few days I've just been overwhelmed with kind acts.  My ex-boyfriends family sent gifts for the kids, his mom and dad...even his sister.  I've realized that when you are with someone for almost 8 years, it's very hard to just "let go".  You are breaking up with the family too.  A family that was a HUGE part of my children's lives, for a very long time.  This is our first Christmas since 2005, not celebrating with them.  Perhaps this is part of my depression.  I miss them, terribly.  And I am not sure what the correct way to handle those emotions are, because Brad and I are done, but I would give just about anything to spend just one more holiday with his family.

Today I got a few Christmas cards in the mail.  I've been hanging every one of them up.  Not something I normally do.  But they have served as a daily reminder of just how many people care.  And as I sit typing this, I am brought to tears by the kindness of others, to simply take time out of their day to send me a card.  And so many of them are filled with such encouraging words, from people that know my current struggles.

So today when I got a few more, I was even more excited.  Because it meant 2 more people cared about me.  Something I seem to be losing sight of more and more lately.  The first card I opened was simply signed "Santa Claus".  Tucked into the card was $200, and a note that said "get your kids, and yourself, something for Christmas".  I stood in the kitchen, frozen.  Completely frozen.  I had no words.  $200 may not seem like a lot to some, but to me, it meant Christmas, and a lifetime of traditions.  See, our stockings are locked up in storage in Indiana.  I didn't have the money to buy new ones, nor the things that go into them.  I realize it's "just a stocking", but it was really bothering me that we didn't have them.  The first thing I did was charge out to the dollar store for stockings, and stuffers.  I was SO excited that a tradition that seems so small, was brought right back into our lives.  I was also able to pick up some gifts for the kids, and a few things I've needed that I haven't been able to afford.

I am simply amazed at the generosity of others, and I think I may just be the most lucky person in the world, to have the kinds of friends that I do. I'm not one that can reach out to others when I need something, simply out of pure embarrassment   But it was almost like someone had heard me crying myself to sleep at night, and answered my prayers.  It may not be the type of Christmas the kids are used to, but because I have the most amazing friends in the entire world, it will be the most memorable Christmas of my life.

To EVERYONE that has helped me this Christmas, even if it was just to say a prayer for me, thank you....from the deepest depths of my heart....thank you.  You are all incredible people, and I don't know that I will ever be able to repay you, especially because so many of you are "anonymous", but know that your acts of kindness and love have not gone unnoticed.  And when the time, and situation are right, you can be assured that I most definitely WILL be paying it forward.

Despite all of the depression surrounding me lately, I do realize that I am one incredibly lucky person, and I love all of you....even my "Secret Santas!"



Friday, December 21, 2012

Christmas Eve will soon be here....♫

Ahh, it's that time of year again.  Unfortunately, it's one I am beginning to dread more and more.  Mostly because I'm poor, and I don't have ANY money to buy presents each year, and that in turn leads to me having to make stuff, which I rather enjoy doing, but never have enough time to do.  (Ms. Rucker would KILL me for that run-on sentence!)
I'm SUPER excited about the way this years presents turned out.  Unfortunately I can't post pictures yet, as some family may spy this blog, and I don't want to ruin it for them.

So on the top of everyone's minds lately has been the mass-shooting in Newtown, Connecticut.  I will admit, when it first happened, I couldn't take my eyes off of the news.  I was sad, I cried for days, I mourned children that were not my own, my heart broke.  But then I heard a family member of one of the victims say "don't let this tragedy shape America", and I decided that I was done with mourning.  I will just say, rest in peace, all victims, rest in peace.

That having been said...This tragedy has led to a HUGE amount of "threats" on schools.  I wonder how much of that is kids just trying to get an extra day off for Christmas break, and that is sad.  I hope that all who have played some role in the pranks is prosecuted and an example is made of them.  America should not have to live in fear.  I refuse to do so, and I refuse to let my kids live in that fear as well.  So, I was fully prepared to send them to school today, despite threats.  And exactly one minute before we walked out the door, I decided to check the school website, just because some school districts around us had decided to close.  Shoes and coats on, I pulled up the site, and sure enough, no school.  UGH.  Kensie was rather bummed, as she had a new friend at school, and today was his last day.  Now she can't tell him goodbye.  As you can see from the photo, she spent the day miserably sad from it.


A few hours ago, the local news released an update as to why schools were shut down.  Turns out, it wasn't about threats to the school.  It was due to the hysteria surrounding the "end of the world" Mayan prediction.

I'm quickly losing faith in humanity.  I almost laugh every time I think about it.  Some day, my kids will be able to sit and tell their grandkids, "oh yeah, well this ONE time, we had school cancelled because the whole world thought that the end of the earth was coming....."

And so with that, I am reminded to keep humor.  Times are tough right now, but we must remember to keep some humor about us.  I know it's what gets me through most days, and I can't allow myself to forget that.

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, whatever it is you celebrate......and here is to another 2012 years....

Sunday, November 11, 2012

MILITARY MAN


When I placed my first geocache in 2005, I placed a print out of this in it.  I had received it in a cache that had many in it, and asked the geocache finders to take one, read it, and share it.  So, in my cache it went.  7.5 years later, when taking friends to the cache, I noticed right away that the print out was still in the cache.  Well preserved, but definatley read many times.  Today it occured to me that it would be the perfect thing to post today...in honor of our Veterans.  



MILITARY MAN

The average age of the military man is 19 years 
He is a short haired, tight-muscled kid who, 
under normal circumstances is considered by 
society as half man, half boy. Not yet dry behind 
the ears, not old enough to buy a beer, but old 
enough to die for his country. He never really 
cared much for work and he would rather wax 
his own car than wash his father's, but he has
never collected unemployment either.

He's a recent High School graduate; he was probably an
average student, pursued some form of sport activities,
drives a ten year old jalopy, and has a steady girlfriend

that either broke up with him when he left, or swears to be
waiting when he returns from half a world away. He listens
to rock and roll or hip-hop or rap or jazz or swing and a
155mm howitzer. 

trouble spelling, thus letter writing is a pain for

him, but he can field strip a rifle in 30 seconds and
reassemble it in less time in the dark. He can recite to you
the nomenclature of a machine gun or grenade launcher and
use either one effectively if he must.. 

He digs foxholes and latrines and can apply first aid

like a professional. 
He can march until he is told to stop, 
or stop until he is told to march. 
He obeys orders instantly and without hesitation, but
he is not without spirit or individual dignity. 


He is self-sufficient. 
He has two sets of fatigues: he washes one and wears
the other.  He keeps his canteens full and his feet dry. 
He sometimes forgets to brush his teeth, but never to
clean his rifle. He can cook his own meals, mend his own
clothes, and fix his own hurts.
you're thirsty, he'll share his water with you; if

you are hungry, his food. He'll even split his ammunition
with you in the midst of battle when you run low.. 
He has learned to use his hands like weapons 
and weapons like they were his hands. 

He has asked nothing in return, except years..  he defends their right to be disrespectful.  have fallen in combat and is unashamed..  his job. 

our friendship and understanding 
Remember him, always, for he has earned our respect
and admiration with his blood.